I recently learned that a friend’s daughter is getting divorced. But the surprising thing was not the breakdown of the marriage, but how the 31-year-old woman and her two children had to run from their home in Florida and take a plane to New York, to take refuge in their parents’ house.
In their desperation to flee from the husband they embarked with what they were wearing; leaving behind favorite toys, clothes, personal things and memories. The reason for escaping like this? According to her, he never laid a finger on her, but he insulted her daily, he controlled her life and when he got angry he hit the walls. He did not hit the children (ages 3 and 7) either, but yelled at them to such an extent that it made them tremble.
And after hearing such a story, one would think that the man must be sorry, however the opposite has happened; he tells his wife that she is the worst and that she is to blame for everything for leaving the house. In the midst of this tumult of emotions, she sought psychological help and the therapist told her: “Your husband is a narcissist.”
She thought that a narcissist was simply someone who kept looking in the mirror and “throwing flowers.” I did not know that narcissism is a psychological disease in which they want to control everything, they are selfish, they speak as if they were superior to others, they do not validate the opinion of others, they are very demanding and they demand that they be pleased without qualms.
It is difficult to recognize a narcissist because at first they are complacent and charming but once they achieve the conquest, they humiliate their partner to create insecurities and control them and the biggest problem of narcissists is that they lack empathy and cannot identify with pain of others or recognize the harm they cause to others. Sadly, divorcing a narcissist is the most difficult divorce there is because someone with such a disorder never accepts that they were at fault in the separation and makes the court process “torture.” If you think you are with a narcissist, seek information and help before you have to resort to something as serious as having to drop everything to escape.
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