Living with the stepmother – El Diario NY

Families must stay together. /File

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As much as people get divorced or separated, the constant is that they get together or remarry, creating the so-called “families in transition”, or the famous families of “yours, mine and ours.”

When they remarry, the one who happens to raise the child, for the period that the father has to do, is the stepmother. She is confused and wonders: should I discipline this child who is not mine? Does he have to follow my rules around the house, or do I treat him like he’s visiting? The same goes for the stepfather.

The child becomes “the one who comes sometimes.” He does not have a room, he feels that he does not belong anywhere, and that affects his identity, among many other things. Perhaps your room is the smallest, or you have to share it with a brother. This creates jealousy. Her brother has a bigger room, he doesn’t feel important or taken into account.

Many children say things like these to psychologists: “nobody asked me if I was happy seeing my father playing ball with my brother, something he never did with me.” Who has asked that child who he wants to be with or where does he feel good?

Another issue is sleeping. If the child feels fear, nightmares or night fears, at home mother can take him to her bed or she can go to her room to calm down. That will not happen with dad, since his stepmother will not allow it. The child feels anxiety and fear of going to Daddy. It is that the two dynamics of families are not compatible. And he is the one who loses.

If this ends up in court, now it is a matter of money. The lawsuit lasts as long as the parents have money, and whoever has the most wins. Furthermore, studies show that the number one reason people marry and divorce in the US is money.

The court, lawyers and judges, who do not know anything about child psychology or family therapy, make the decision, without hearing the child or adolescent. They are dealing with difficult issues and with a partner who has failed to resolve their issues in a healthy way. Many times, the war continues through your sons or stepchildren. If the stepmother is somewhat toxic, the parental war will become even more aggressive. And many times grandmothers and ex-husbands or wives enter this chaos. The only one they are hurting is the child.

In states more advanced than Florida, and in countries more advanced than the United States, divorce does not occur until the parents reach good agreements and overcome their wars. Justice cannot have that much power. Not only with the family and children, but with other great decisions of the country. Shoe rack to your shoes.

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